bleachfemslash | (no subject)

Title: Butterflies & Hurricanes
Rating: PG13
Pairings/Characters: Yoruichi Shihōin/SoiFon
Seasons/Spoilers: S3 ; only spoilers if you don't know SoiFon and Yoruichi's history.
Summary: She couldn't forgive, but she couldn't forget...
Author's Notes: I'm kind of changing the timeline of the final few episodes of "The Rescue" arc. Instead of it all happening in a day, SoiFon and Yoruichi's fight happens the day before Aizen's plot comes to light.

Yoruichi had known that what she did had caused SoiFon to hate her, but not even in her wildest dreams, did she think she had caused the other woman so much pain. Yoruichi didn't even think it was possible to go on living, with the amout of pain that SoiFon had. It was practically coming off her in waves.

Slowly, Yoruichi dropped to her knees in front of SoiFon. She didn't care that she was leaving herself open for attack. Hearing SoiFon cry out the way she was, was absolutely heartbreaking and it tore Yoruichi's insides apart so much that death would be a welcomed relief to the pain.

She reached a hand out to SoiFon and once she was sure the other woman wouldn't fight her anymore, took her into a tight embrace.

"Why?" SoiFon was crying into Yoruichi's chest.

Yoruchi wasn't sure if she was asking again why she left her, or if she was asking why she was comforting her. Either way, she planned to explain everything later. So for now, she stayed silent and gently rocked back and forth, letting SoiFon cry all her pain out.

- - -

Hours later, SoiFon woke up. She knew it had been hours, because it was starting to get dark and at some point, Yoruichi had built and let a fire burn out.

SoiFon realized, as she pulled herself up into a seated position, that she had been laying on something soft on the ground and looked down to see a cloak under her. It didn't take a scientist to figure out that it was Yoruichi's. It had her clan crest on the front, but more importantly it smelled like her. A scent that was sweet and spicy, all at the same time. There had been so many time when SoiFon had just enjoyed lying in Yoruichi's arms and smelling her familiar smell. It made her stomach flip and caused a warmth to settle into her core.

Shaking her head, SoiFon closed her eyes and tried to rid herself of those memories. When she opened them a few moments later, the memories were gone, but they were only replaced by different ones, as she realized where they were. They were still in the woods, but it wasn't where they'd stopped fighting. Yoruichi had apparently used her flash to bring them into a clearing. The same one, from the night of the full moon. The night when she promised to protect her mistress with all she had and to be with her always. Where Yoruichi had promised the same thing and lied.

This time though, there was no full moon or blossoms in the trees or love in SoiFon's heart. The clearing was dark and bare, just like her heart and soul felt.

"You're awake."

SoiFon quickly turned her head to see Yoruichi sitting a few feet away. Had she been there the whole time, SoiFon wondered, but didn't ask.

"Why didn't you kill me while I was asleep?" She asked instead.

Yoruichi smiled, though it was sad. "You really think I would kill someone I love?"

"NO!" SoiFon spat. "You do not get to say that word to me. Ever!"

"What if it's true?" Yoruichi asked, calmly.

"If it were true, then you wouldn't have left me!" SoiFon yelled.

"I left because I love you," Yoruichi replied, and turned away from SoiFon.

SoiFon blinked. "What?"

"100 years ago, I did something so dangerous and so very much against the rules, that had I stayed, I would've most certainly been put to death. But it wasn't my life I was fearing for, it was yours." SoiFon's eyes widened at this, but she said nothing and let Yoruichi continue telling her story. "You would have given your life to protect me, just like you had promised. I couldn't live with that. I could live through you hating me the rest of your life, but I couldn't live through your death."

Yoruichi turned to face SoiFon again, this time with tears in her eyes. "Do you see why I left without saying goodbye?"

"Yoruichi-sama..." SoiFon turned away, unwilling to let Yoruichi see the tears that were starting to form in her eyes as well.

"Do you remember that night? Here?" Yoruichi asked.

SoiFon nodded, still not looking at her.

- - -

"It's getting late," SoiFon said. Yoruichi was still resting her head in her lap and the girl didn't want to disturb her mistress, but if they didn't get back there was always a chance someone would come looking for them and that she wanted even less.

Yoruichi yawned and stretched lazily. "I don't wanna go back. Let's sleep in the clearing tonight."

SoiFon's eyes widened. "What?"

"Do I gotta repeat myself?" Yoruichi asked, looking up at SoiFon.

The girl shook her head. "No."

"It'll be fun," Yoruichi said.

"But what if we get cold?" SoiFon asked.

Yoruichi pulled herself up into a sitting position and said, with a gleam in her eye, "Then we'll just have to cuddle."

"Yoruichi-sama!" SoiFon blushed and looked down at the ground.

"What's the matter? Don't you want to cuddle with me?"

SoiFon quickly looked up. "Yes! Very much, I do."

Yoruichi smiled. "What's the problem then?"

SoiFon blushed again. She was starting to turn the same color as the falling blossoms.

Before she could answer her mistress' question, Yoruichi moved forward and put her lips to SoiFon's. It was as if time itself had stopped and the world around them faded so that all that was left was the sound of their breathing, which despite the gentleness of the kiss, was heavy.

After a few moments, Yoruichi pulled away with a smile on her lips.

"Yoruichi-sama." SoiFon sighed contently.

"See? That wasn't so bad."

SoiFon grew even more red in the face. "Can we...If it's alright..."

"You want to do it again?" Yoruichi smirked.

SoiFon nodded. She was looking at the ground again, embarrassed of what she'd just asked.

"No." Yoruichi said, calmly.

SoiFon looked up from the ground, mouth open ready to ask why not but stopped. In those few moments that she had been looking at the ground, Yoruichi had taken off her shirt and was now sitting there on the grass, only wearing her pants. SoiFon had enough sense left in her to wonder when Yoruichi had done that. She hadn't heard her move at all and yet...Yet she was sitting there now half naked and so beautiful.

SoiFon wanted to look away. She wanted to be embarrassed. She wanted to close the gap between them and take one of Yoruchi's perfect breasts into her hand and mouth. She wanted so much at that moment that her head was spinning and she was sure that any second now she would pass out and then wake up hours later and have it all be a dream.

But as Yoruichi gently took SoiFon's wrist into her hand and placed SoiFon's palm on her breast, SoiFon knew that it was real.

SoiFon tore her gaze away from Yoruichi's perfect flesh to meet her golden eyes. When she nodded, it was SoiFon this time, who moved in and kissed first.

- - -

"It was the first time we made love," Yorucihi said, back in the present.

SoiFon nodded. "I was so scared that night. I had dreamt about you so many times, I thought it was all a dream until you made me touch you."

"There has been only you." Yoruichi said.

SoiFon turned back to look at her, shock written all over face. "What?"

"In all the years," Yoruichi said, "it's been only you."

"Yoruichi-sama." SoiFon couldn't help be feel so guilty. Yes, she was still angry at Yoruichi, and probably would be for a very long time, but to hear those words...To hear that she was the only one who Yoruichi had ever loved in over a century, while she on the other hand had had many lovers... It broke her heart.

"I'm sorry," Yoruichi said. "I seem to keep doing that. Hurting you. Making you cry."

SoiFon wiped away the tears that she hadn't realized had started to fall. "I can't forgive you," SoiFon said after a while. "But I can't forget you either."

Yoruichi nodded.

"I fought hard to become this strong, so I could one day find out where you were and take you back."

"I'm back now." Yoruichi said.

SoiFon shook her head. "No. If they were certain to kill you, over a hundred years ago, that's not going to have changed any. You'll just leave again once this is over with. You'll leave and break my heart again. So you see why I can't forgive you?"

Yoruichi nodded again. "I'll say goodbye this time. I promise."

SoiFon wanted to laugh at her promise, but couldn't. Instead, she laid back down on the cloak and curled herself up into the tightest ball she could. She knew that she should leave. Find someone and tell them where Yoruichi was and have her arrested, but she couldn't bring herself to move. She didn't even move when Yoruichi laid down beside her a few moments later.

"For warmth," Yoruichi said, before she closed her eyes.

SoiFon stared at the woman she loved most in the world and breathed in deeply that family sweet/spicy smell and closed her eyes. She couldn't forgive, but she couldn't forget...